Jonathan Creek and Joey Ross sit in Adam Klaus' theatre space thinking about mysterious stuff and murders and what not. Elsewhere Dr Who (played by Paul McGann) makes a phone call to an alien space ship in orbit around Earth. He asks for help in avenging his brother's death, a brother who was "a bit special". The aliens oblige.
Back at the theatre, two weeks later, Joey gets a call from a younger version of that woman from Planet of the Dead who is a maid or something at the posh house where Dr Who lives. She's all freaked out because a dead Egyptian servant girl/shagger has been appearing in ethereal form to scare her.
Jonathan and Joey go to this house to investigate and find a UFO parked in the grass outside. They think nothing of it really, but Jonathan makes that face he makes when he knows something's not quite right, but hasn't read far enough in the script to know why yet. So, they go in...
They meet this old woman and this fat vicar and this other woman who looks a bit like that Egyptian servant girl/shagger/witch from a hundred years ago. But she's not connected to her in any way. Apparently she's been getting death threats from Joey's friend who swears she's not been sending them and all that. SO! You know, the aliens turn up and have a chat with Jonathan Creek who decides that in order to solve ONE of the several mysteries being doled out is to fight the alien king on the moon. So, after Dr Who lends them a blowpipe that turns out to be a dog whistle they go to the moon in magic bubbles and decide how best to duel.
Finally, after this flashback bit about a disappearing house which is actually a completely unrelated film shoot in a field about ten years ago. Or something. ANYWAY! Back on the moon, Jonathan Creek, now dressed as a Roman Gladiator - complete with a pike and net combo - squares up to a many-tentacled space octopus. A raging battle ensues, during which Jonathan Creek's famous duffel coat gets disintegrated and emailed to President Obama, resulting - eventually - in the brutal slaying of the space alien (who turns out to be Caroline Quentin, out for revenge, hurt that Jonathan just found other people to make the show with...).
In the end it turns out that Dr Who and his wife who is that woman who looks like the hundred year old Egyptian witch actually are also space octopus people and his mentally disabled brother was just a figment of his imagination all along. They both fly to the moon on a golden horse and beam Jonathan back to Earth, wiping his memory of all that happened, but not until he's told a bored court all about it - with no clear result. Then the camera zooms out and it is revealed that this has all been taking place in Adam Klaus' post-LSD dreams.
Okay, this ISN'T really what happened in The Judas Tree, the reassuringly nonsensically titled new adventure special from Jonathan Creek, but it IS just as plausible as the utterly, honestly, shockingly shitty aching-balls of a plot thrown together this evening on prime time BBC One. On a weekend that seems to include men with the initials J.C. - who are pretty good at performing apparent miracles - dying then coming back to life, better than ever, it seems that THIS particular J.C. should probably have been solving THIS particular bag-of-shit mystery on the FRIDAY just gone. Because he died on his arse. A real shame. Disappointed much? Yes.
2/10 (and that's only for Sheridan Smith)
